Jan 18, 2004
homicide feels like the right word

hey... it fucking snowed again and that makes me so FUCKING ANGRY!!!... i hate it when it snows. and i hate it when i do my entries in html format that the line of text just keeps fucking scrolling to left as i type rather than just starting a new line. oh well. sorry people that my text is small, but i write A LOT sometimes and i don't know....guess it makes it look like less then.

hm.. for those of you that already know me... classes are switching over soon and i don't know what order or exactly what teachers i'll have but my classes are pretty much as follows...:

                  American Studies II  (think that's mr. armstrong
                  Spanish II (with i dunno, find out later)
                  Painting (Bernini)
                      3rd lunch
                  Alge 2 (some teacher i've never heard of before).. sounds scary though.

                                 X X
                               / / / /      <--- scared face.

ya know what?  i hope this all stays aligned as it is now in the entry box cause if it's not.. well this is your warning to let you know that it wasn't meant to look all shitty.

umm... i think i was going to tell you something interesting...but i don't really have... oh yea.. nevermind.

yesterday was my friend's 16th b-day party.  it was a lot more fun than everyone thought it would be.  we danced and smashed cake in each other's faces.  then later i went back to jack's house and me her sarah and danny passed a few bowls.  :-)  mm mm.  we were talking about the band that we wanted to start too... it's really quite depressing because it's my life dream to be in  a band and have a million of psychotic fans trying to rip my clothes off in the streets... and here i am.. not even 16 yet... NO money, my parent's don't encourage me AT ALL... i can't do this alone...  but it's what i really want.. and when people tell me i can't have it... it makes me homicidal...  it also makes me crave nicotine. 

bringing me to how pissed i've been lately.  my fucking father really angers me.  he's SO FUCKING STUPID!  he'll yell at me for stupidest shit and the ignorence just makes me want to blow his brains out.  but that wouldn't be very nice of me.  so i hold it all inside and simply let the anger bottle up inside...  and dont tell me to negociate because that never works when the person with whom you trying to negociate has a skull 3 feet thick and is more selfish than christ himself.  and if you don't understand what i mean by that then you must be a xian... and you must be really lame, so i would tell you to BEND OVER AND SHOVE YOUR BIBLE UP YOUR ASS!!!  *a hem.  i think i should go now because sitting here letting my frustrations out publicly on the internet could result in something very messy.   like some idiot who likes to piss people off with their stupidity.. you know, those jackasses that have nothing better to do than waste time sitting on their fat lazy asses and read people's really long entries (like mine) and then leave some ReALLY STUPID remark in the tagboard, thus pressing my nerves ever so dangerously close to the explosion button in my brain in which case...  if the person was man enough to face me in the flesh would be screaming as he is digested and his worthless remains are excreted through my ASS and what i couldn't finish of him i will cook up nicely and serve with lovely white sauce to his FUCKING LOVED ONES... granted there be anyone who thinks they love him... and now i've definately babbled on for WAY TOO LONG... so... please excuse me i must renew the color on my wall with some water because if it dries up the lovely hue of maroon red quickly hardens to a nasty brown crust...

have a wonderful day...

Abandoned by RagDoll at 04:02 pm
[under construction please use tagboard]

Jan 15, 2004

i don't know what to do... i really just don't know.  i would tell you what i mean...but i'm so uncertain that i don't even know what it is that's causing me such grief.  could it be the sexual frustrations?  haha.  could be.  could it be that i've been so desperate for some kind of affection lately that i've been having dreams about my exes whom i now despise?  i really do not know.  perhaps it could be that i spend way too much time commiserating my own life's grievancies that i've lost focus on what's most important.  whatever that may be.  -sigh-

i don't want to come off as dependant...but sometimes i just feel so lonely.  i see people everywhere, everyone has a mate but me... but that's not even the issue.  i don't want to be tied down... i just want someone to feel like that about me.  i want to rip someone's heart out and leave them bleeding in my lap so i can know what it feels like to have that kind of power over someone.. the kind of power my one ex had over me.  i want so badly to just cause someone as much pain and internal suffering as my own... i want to see someone cry their eyes out for me, i want to see someone physically hurt themselves for me... i want to make someone scream my name outloud from a nightmarish day-dream... and i want someone to tell me they love me and mean it...  i want him to really mean it...

Abandoned by RagDoll at 09:33 pm
[under construction please use tagboard]

oh yea

hey, it's been a really long time since i've updated, i know.   been busy with the xanga shit... thought i could make it cool, but it just wasn't working.  soo, before i forget...
somebody buy me this!!

yay!  uh... well.  i guess i could start off by telling you all that today is a snow day here in my gay hometown of whitehall.  i hate snow.  i absolutely ABHOR snow!  and so... i'm sitting here... doing nothing.  getting angry because i can't change the background on this blog... hm...oh well.  my stomache is making strange noises like the demon within is tryin to get out... so perhaps i should go feed upon someone.. i meant... something.

                                    bye bye worms.

Abandoned by RagDoll at 10:01 am
[under construction please use tagboard]


"when we fuck we're all god's people"


Paranoid:Very High
Borderline:Very High
Avoidant:Very High

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